Before we begin, I’d like to update everyone on the state of grief in the family. Erik’s siblings are finally allowing themselves to feel anger and sorrow. For the last year, most of them have taken comfort in the attitude, “He’s in a better place and no longer suffering. I’m happy for him,” but now, the anger that had been boiling just under the surface has begun to overflow into consciousness. They can’t understand how their brother could leave their lives and those of other family members in total ruin. They feel a resentment at what they consider to be an act of cowardice: Life is tough sometimes. Why did you bail, Erik? Why couldn’t you stay and tough it out like the rest of us? In their minds, he had everything a kid could possibly ask for, so his suicide, to them, was the act of a spoiled child.
The resentment is one thing, but their anger also walks hand in hand with a dark sorrow, a feeling of emptiness and confusion. The stigma of being the kid with the dead brother only adds salt to a festering wound. I suppose these are necessary torments, though. My children understand that there is no “correct” way to grieve such a tragic loss. It is a process that is unique to each individual both in manner and pace. Perhaps leaning into the grief is one of the best way to get through it, but this is painful. Very, very painful. They know I’m there for them. I wish they’d all read the blog to find some comfort and to help them renew their relationship with Erik, but I guess some of them are just not ready yet.
As for me, my struggle still comes in huge waves. Each one pounds against me like a rogue wave crashing against a rocky shoreline, chipping away piece by piece. I’m hoping that when it’s all said and done, they’ll still be something left of me. God, how I hope this is all worth the torture.
That’s my venting for the day. And now for some comic relief. I’ve had to keep these entries shorter than normal, because I’m like a one-armed paper hanger trying to deal with my duties as executrix for my deceased friend’s estate. Lots and lots of busy work.
In this section of the channeling session, I again revisit some of the same questions I asked him through Jamie in order to get more details and confirmation. Enjoy the melange of topics.
Me: Okay, so I know there are boyfriend/girlfriend relationships over there, but—
Kim: Yes, absolutely. And we can get married, have children—
Me: But if souls are genderless, how do they choose who’s the boyfriend and who’s the girlfriend?
Kim: If they’re what, Elisa?
Me: If they’re genderless.
Erik: We can, uh, usually a soul will have an affinity for one gender over another. Not always, but usually. Those who don’t have a preference will choose either gender to react with while they’re over here.
Me: Oh, okay!
Erik: Yeah, most often, we have a gender we’re a little more partial to. I like being a guy.
Me: Yeah, I can see that! Here’s another questions from a blog member: “If they have TVs over there, what kind of programming do they watch?”
Kim (chuckling): He’s smiling really big and mischievously.
Erik: Whatever we damn well please!
Erik laughs hysterically at his own retort.
Erik: Mom, it’s so great, because like I said before, we can watch whatever programs we want whenever we want.
Me: Celestial on-demand TV, yay!
Erik (laughing): Exactly. While I sit and eat my pizza.
Kim and I laugh hard.
Kim: I’m seeing a cool leather couch with a recliner section to it, black, and this HUGE TV.
Erik: Yeah, I like to kick back, eat, hang out with friends and stuff. And you know like I’ve said before, Mom, since time doesn’t here, we can watch programs from the earthly plane from the past, present or future.
Me: Yeah, I remember you saying that through Jamie.
Erik: Yep, and we’re not just limited to earthly programming. We can watch programs from different dimensions, planets, galaxies—
Me: Wow, talk about a huge TV Guide!
Me: Okay, so remember when I asked you about the City of Lights through Jamie?
Erik: Uh huh.
Kim: Is this something on the earthly plane, Elisa?
Me: Oh, no, it’s supposed to be in the afterlife. I read about it somewhere. They also call it a human species consciousness pool or something like that. Erik says it’s like a hippie commune.
Me: I’m hoping you’ve found out a little more about it since we last talked. Any more details, Erik? Is it like a region of some sort? You know how here we have The Heights, Piney Point, River Oaks, The Fifth Ward, etc.?
Erik: All the energy exists layered, Mom. And so, on the earthly plane, there is no differentiation between layers of souls like there is over here.
Kim: So, what are you saying, exactly, Erik?
Kim: He’s thinking about how he can explain it.
Me: Well is it layered by densities like water and oil?
Erik: Like that, yeah. Not exactly, but—
Me: So, your ability to move from one layer to the next, Erik, is that based on your vibrational density?
Erik: Right. And as my vibrational density lessens with my spiritual evolution, I can enter the vibrational frequency layer that matches mine. It allows my energy to move through other energies. At my current density, I can move through energy layers that are at the same or greater density, but only when my vibrations get higher can I move up to the lighter, less dense layers. The City of Lights is just one of those layers. It has it’s own vibrational frequency or density. It’s not a hierarchy in the superior/inferior sense, though. It just is what it is.
Me: Very interesting stuff, Erik.