As many of you know, grief hits the bereaved in waves. Over the weekend, with my mind uncluttered and free of the menial tasks of the work week, sadness poured into the open door like an unwelcome visitor who refused to leave. At my lowest point, Erik intervened with acts of merciful love. He saved the best for the last.
First, when I was sitting in my chair, drowning in thoughts of despair, I felt the most intense sensation of goosebumps all along my left thigh. Erik’s presence was very clear to me. It’s as if he was caressing me tenderly, saying, “It’s okay, Mom. I’m here, and I love you.”
His sweet gesture comforted me, yet the images of the day of his death still played in my mind like a horror movie. In an effort to escape further torment, I went to bed very early to seek respite in sleep. Shortly before my husband went to bed as he was locking up the house and shutting off the lights in various rooms, that horrible smell of Erik’s stinky socks permeated the air. It was indisputably Erik telling him, “You’re not getting rid of me or my socks any time soon, Pappa.” For us, this smell is a heavenly perfume.
Erik’s last miracle left me speechless. I have yet to come up with a technical explanation as is the urge of a skeptic’s mind. Rune and I were sitting together on the den sofa talking and occasionally watching the television when all of a sudden, we hear a song playing. I thought, “Rune must have that song as a ringtone on his iPhone,” but his phone was lying silent on the coffee table in front of us. Rune looked at me and said, “That’s your phone. Aren’t you going to answer it?” “What do you mean? I don’t have any songs as ringtones!” I replied. Curious, I got up and walked to the kitchen desk some ten yards away to locate the source of the music. Sure enough, it was my iPhone, but it wasn’t a ring tone. No one was calling. The iPod on the phone had spontaneously opened and begun to play a song I didn’t even know that I had: Lunacy Fringe by The Used.
Is it possible for a song to play all by itself? Can an iPod app even open on its own at all, much less spontaneously play a song with no human intervention? It defies all explanation but one: Erik was sending a message of love and comfort. He was letting Rune and I know that he is alive, he is here, and he will forever love us.
Here is the song with the lyrics below. I’m not very talented with song interpretation; perhaps one of you can find the meaning, if any, that Erik was trying to convey.
The Used - LUNACY FRINGE lyrics Wake up, my love Never thought youd make me, break me Now I'm up, from below Such a brilliant star you are And will your love keep burning baby? Burn a hole right through my eyes You saw that short times feel like no time And I thought you oughta know I'm so far gone now I've been running on empty I'm so far gone now, do you wanna take me on? Do you wanna take me on? Do... Do you... Do you know... Do you know how long I've waited? To look up, from below Just to find someone like you And will your love light burn me, baby? Burn a hole right through my heart I think I might just trust you maybe But I'm not sure I'm not sure I'd wanna know I'm so far gone now I've been running on empty I'm so far gone now, do you wanna take me on? I'm so far gone now I've been running on empty I'm so far gone now, do you wanna take me on? Do you wanna take me on? I think you can make me, girl Could make me and take my life I know you can break me, girl Take all of me All of me Wake up, my love Never thought you'd make me, break me Now I'm up, from below Such a brilliant star you are I'm so far gone now I've been running on empty I'm so far gone now, do you wanna take me on? I'm so far gone, I've been running on empty I'm so far gone now, do you wanna take me on? Do you wanna take me... on? Burbler | The Used - LUNACY FRINGE lyrics
