I’d like to start off by saying this is the one year anniversary of Erik’s burial. Very difficult day, but all of the “firsts” are, I guess. So, please forgive any typos and spelling/grammatical errors.

Lisa’s Questions

I lost my son in 2008. His death was ruled a suicide, as he supposedly swallowed 100 die or if he was trying to mask pain. Since his death, I’ve spent many of my days also wanting to die, the pain has been so unbearable. I have an inkling that he lead me to this sight to learn more about life on the other side of the heavy curtain. I also wonder, if in spite of the assumed thousands of requests that Erik gets, if he could answer my question on whether or not my son’s death was actually intentional. I have often wondered if they are already acquainted…….. perhaps just wishful thinking? My name is Lisa. I am 51 and live in SLC, UT. My son Landon was 24 and died in a hospital in Payson, Utah. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Lisa’s Second Email

Hi Elisa,

Again, thank you, thank you. The work you are doing is incredible. I don’t know how you keep up with what must be a tidal wave of requests. Our stories are so similar in so many ways that when a friend discovered your blog, she actually thought I was the writer! To say that this is a difficult path is to make a picnic of it, right? But when we hear from our boys, well, there is nothing better. Nothing.

My son has stayed in touch with me since his death in April 08 in myriad ways. Perfectly timed songs on the radio, lights, dreams, smoke alarms, and so often the words, “Mom, I’m RIGHT HERE!”

But I need more. I am plagued that I didn’t realize how serious his situation was at the end. He’d dealt with bi-polar disorder for years but we finally got him on some good meds. My sweet boy was back! It lasted only about a month, then he stopped taking the pills. I didn’t see that he was spiraling into oblivion. He made suicidal threats that I didn’t/couldn’t take seriously. He became angry, argumentative and combative. We argued. He scared me, and we made him move to his dad’s house. I regret that decision more than any other decision of my entire life. He only lasted six days there, then he overdosed with a bottle of aspirin.

Since then, a medium told me that he actually had a brain tumor and he was taking the aspirin for the intense pain. Is this true? But what riddles my heart is that at the end of my son’s life, when he needed me the most, I kicked him out. How could I have been so blind? Did he die feeling like I didn’t love him, that I had abandoned him? My pain is indescribable. How could I reject my own son? I feel so responsible for his death.

So, dear sweet Elisa, if on the 21st of September, you have the time, I would so so love if you and Erik can talk with my dear son. I want him to know how much I have always, always loved him and that I regret with all my heart, all of the mistakes I made with him. I hope he can forgive me.

Again, I can barely express the gratitude I feel for the work you are doing, for the light and joy you bring to so many people, for all that you are able to teach. May God/Goddess/Creator/Light/Heaven/Angels/Love/Light/The All continue to bless you as you bless everyone.

With a grateful heart,

Lisa

Age 51 (until Sept. 21)

Bluffdale, UT

Landon

Age 24 at death

Salt Lake City, UT

Channeling Transcript

Me: Okay, let’s go on to the next one, here. This one is from Lisa. She’s from Utah, 51 years old. She lost her son when he was only 24. I think he died Payson, Utah. It was in a hospital. Oh, and it’s her birthday today! Just like yours Erik!

Kim: Oh, wow!!! Happy birthday, Lisa and Erik!

Me: Yeah! And oh, I hope this is a good birthday present for her. She’s trying to figure out if it was accidental or not. He took a bunch of aspirin, but I’m not sure if he was trying to get rid of pain from some physical ailment or… Anyway, he’s bipolar, stopped taking his medicine and got a little too out of control for Lisa, so she had him go live with his dad. It was just too much for her, too scary. So six days later he overdosed. She has a lot of guilt over this. She feels like she killed him just by sending him away.

Kim: Elisa, when did this take place?

Me: Uh, let’s see—oh, 2008. Basically she wants to know what happened.

Kim: Okay, Erik’s got information from some guides.

Erik: It was a suicide. There was nothing wrong, physically. She’s gonna ask about his head, but it was okay. He didn’t have any headaches. Life was a headache enough for him.

Me: Yeah, that’s right. Some medium said he had a brain tumor and that he took the aspirin because of the pain.

Erik: Nope. The medium was picking up on the spiritual head pain he had. Holy crap, he was angry. He was angry! He was sullen; he was depressed; he felt out of control—

Me: Wait, before his death, right?

Erik: Yeah. And he didn’t have bipolar disease, Mom. I know that was the diagnosis they have him, but he was schizophrenic. This is coming from Landon’s guardian angels at the time, not me. So he had bipolar symptoms, but he was really schizophrenic. Without being on the right medication, this was a disaster waiting to happen. He had voices in his head telling him to not take his medicine, but it wasn’t the right medicine anyway. And those voices certainly weren’t his guardian angels!

Me: No! Okay, so Landon or Erik or Landon’s guides: What can you tell Lisa that will help her get over her intense feelings of guilt? She feels so responsible for his death. She felt she abandoned him, rejected him.

Erik: She didn’t reject him at all! He kept rejecting her! Every time she tried to love and support and encourage him, he’d push her away. He made it literally impossible for her to help him. Impossible. She tried and tried and tried; no one could have tried harder.

Me: Aw.

Erik: If Landon had stayed with her, he would have very likely harmed both of them. Lisa’s guardian angels wanted Landon out of there. They were concerned that he would hurt her or even kill her. Oh, they want you to ask her if she remembers how paranoid he was sometimes? I mean, he didn’t just get angry, sullen depressed, mood swings. He was paranoid too.

Me: Yeah, okay.

Erik: He really needed to be in an inpatient facility at that point. She couldn’t have possibly taken care of him. So they’re really glad she picked up on their signals for him to get out. They were scared. They thought she might wake up and find him standing over her with a knife or something. That’s what they’re showing me.

Me: Was it his destiny to be schizophrenic?

Erik: Yes.

Me: Why?

Erik: To experience this, uh, not only for him to go through this, but everyone around him too. The next thing Lisa is going to ask is, “Well, what about his father?” But the father had a completely different relationship with Landon. Lisa was much more connected with him. She could see him for who and what he is more than the dad could. So Lisa was much closer to him, and the father wouldn’t have triggered these same reactions from him. Landon wouldn’t have gotten so angry with his dad. He had to get out of Lisa’s house so she would stay safe, and he had nowhere else to go but his dad’s. The dad, they were like ships that pass in the night.

Me: Okay, so tell me more about the whole destiny aspect.

Erik: There was nothing Lisa could have done to save him. It was his destiny to go through the fear, the pain, the depression and the suffering of schizophrenia and then commit suicide.

Me: So he honored his spiritual contract then?

Erik: Oh, Hell yeah. That was his last lifetime on the earthly plane. He knew this, and he wanted it to be the last lifetime, so he packed in as much as he could, you know, to get as much done as possible so he wouldn’t have to come back.

Me: So what lessons were to be learned or taught in this case?

Erik: For Landon, it was about patience, and for the parents too. It was about dealing with patience for Lisa and his dad. And for Lisa, it was about learning to let go, not feeling like she could control everything or do everything for her child to protect him. Lisa wanted to be everything for Landon. This was to help her learn that some things are out of her control. They’re not saying she’s controlling, like a control freak or anything. They wanna make that clear.

Me: Oh yeah, of course.

Erik: She’s a healer. Lisa is there as a healer, and so because she’s a healer, and because she’s so enlightened and mature as a soul—oh, and they’re saying she’s a teacher too, so she’s a healer and a teacher. So Lisa wants to teach and heal everybody she can, but she needed to learn that there are some people who are outside her grasp. Some people you just can’t heal. Some you shouldn’t heal either, cuz it’s part of their spiritual contract to be sick. But this’ll be the hardest lesson that Lisa will ever have to learn this lifetime. She has worked herself to death in some past lifetimes trying to learn that. It’s an important lesson all healers have to learn. All this worked together synchronistically to help everyone learn what they were supposed to.

Me: Yeah.

Erik: Now, the dad—I don’t mean to be too disrespectful here—but for the dad, this was to help him surgically remove his head from his ass to see what was going on and to do something, to try to help. So both parents are struggling with these issues.

Me: Wait, tell me more about this. What was the dad supposed to learn?

Erik: To see things as they are; to not hide his head in the sand; to stop avoiding difficulties or to acknowledge and accept challenges. That’s the only way to see them for what they are and do something about them instead of hiding under the friggin bed.

Lisa’s Response

Dear Elisa

I truly don’t know how you do this, gifting sooooo many people, keeping up with it all, how do you find the time and the emotional stamina? I so much appreciate you and your sacrifices to accomplish this. These were the hardest questions for me and your session nailed things perfectly. Yes, I do remember how paranoid he was. I knew he had some schizophrenic symptoms but sure as hell didn’t want that to be the case and it was never diagnosed, so it was easy to minimize in my mind.

Yes, he did reject me in the end, I was in tears so often, he tried so hard to start arguments with me and that just riddled my heart. I have had it suggested by a medium that he would/could have hurt me otherwise but since the rest of that reading wasn’t good, I didn’t pay much attention. I am paying attention now. After he passed, he played lots of songs on the house intercom (only one and then silence) and perfectly-timed songs on the radio. One was by Carole King, “Lay Down My Life.” I’ll attach the words at the end, it fits this reading, that he left early so as not to hurt me more.

It’s true, he wasn’t a patient man, VERY impatient with himself. He had a patient heart for everyone else. And yes, I have always felt overly responsible for other’s welfare. I do resonate as a healer and teacher, I’ve heard that time and time again. And of course I use that against me: if I can’t teach my children to find joy, if I can’t heal them, yada yada yada, I am a failure. I know it’s not functional, but it’s where I so easily go. Yes, this IS the hardest lesson of this life for me. There is a fire burning out of control just a few miles  from us, 1,600 homes were evacuated. It could have spread here. The thought didn’t worry me. I was focused and calm. I feel like I’ve faced the worst possible experience, and I’m still breathing. I can handle everything else.

Erik said it just right about Landon’s dad, too.

Thank you for the distinction about Lan and I being closer, hence, my triggering him more easily. I’ve tried and tried to figure that out, now it makes more sense.

I have believed that it’s our destinies, that it’s all played out as it should, but there have been so many questions and hard things to face, to realize that my beautiful boy could be in such mental agony is so heart wrenching. To know that Landon didn’t feel that I rejected him by sending him away is IMMENSE and I can let that perceived guilt go. That is huge. I did everything I knew of then to help, of course now I know so much more that I could have done. but to hear that he says I did all I could, well, that’s what I need to hear.

I just told Lan that NEXT time, we are picking EASY lives. Period. No more big lessons!!!  🙂

I feel badly to take up so much of your time (is that me feeling responsible?????) but again, I appreciate this soooooo very much. You are amazing. Erik is amazing. You are willing to spread light in ways that are HUGE and powerful. thank you for all that you do, for everyone, and for me.

Happy birthday to Erik!

With all my heart,

Love

Lisa

I forgot the song lyrics:

As I walk away

My world comes tumbling down

That’s allright

You’ll go home again without me

Where will I go tomorrow

It doesn’t matter, if you want me to stay

Should I turn around, come back to you

Or should I keep on walking away

It feels so good with you

It feels so right with you

But I will bring you sorrow

If I stay with you

Now if I hurt you, forgive me

Try not to lose faith in me

You know I would never hurt you intentionally

What will I do tomorrow

Without your love I would surely lose my way

And rush headlong into nowhere

On a ghost highway

I kept going on, when going on

Made no real sense at all

But it’s no good now,

it’s all clear to me

Now that my back is against the wall

How will you get through tomorrow

It doesn’t matter, I know you will

And we’ll be together forever

Bound by the way we made each other feel

And I will lay down my life for you

I will lay down my life for you

‘Cause it feels so good with you

Yes, it feels so right with you

I will lay down my life for you

Lisa’s Second Response

I’ve been processing all day, the reading was REALLY pivotal for me, it helped to yank a lot of my clinging to the past right out so that I can be more present with Landon now. I’ve worked and worked on that, and today was a huge shift, thanks to you and that darling son of yours, with those deep, darting, expressive eyes. What a fabulous team you are!

Lots of love and all good things-

Lisa

Happy Birthday Lisa!!!