First of all, I’d like to thank everyone for bearing with me. I guess we bereaved have to have an occasional maintenance meltdown. Sometimes I feel like a pressure cooker. I busy myself every day so I can dismiss grief’s bony finger when he beckons me to wrap myself in his dark, heavy cloak. Every now and then, the pressure valve must release, the tears must flow, and the despairing thoughts must surface. Although those waves of grief seem further and further apart, they still take away a piece of me every time.
I will not filter what Erik says unless he instructs me to. That said, if you find something offensive, know that it’s not meant to be. The written word is easy to misconstrue. I urge you to ask questions for clarification, and I will answer them if I can. This is no place to “shoot and ask questions later.” My heart is still fragile and easily broken. I hope it toughens, but it may never be the same as it was a little over a year ago.
This blog, this little family, is our sanctuary for love, learning and sharing. It’s devoid of ulterior agendas and should be free of judgment and pain. Let’s keep it that way.
Me: Erik, I’ve read about this “City of Lights,” like a human species consciousness pool. Is there such thing? I can’t remember where I read it, but…
Erik: Yeah, there is.
Me: Yeah? Have you seen it?
Erik: No. I really haven’t had an interest in going there yet. I’m still intrigued with working with you, Mom, and my family and helping get out the word, uh, helping people.
Me: Well, what is the purpose of this, “City of Lights?” What is it exactly? Or do you even know?
Erik (laughing): I don’t really know everything about it, but how I’d sum it up is, well, it’s kind of a hippie commune. It’s like a bunch of hippies.
Me (laughing): Oh my God, how funny!
Erik: So people go, um, spirit’s energies go there to be pure and simple and live around each other and pool together.
Me: Hmm, okay. Sounds kind of kinky.
Me: Are there marriages there? Do you have boyfriend girlfriend relationships where you are now?
Erik: Hell yeah! Of course you can!
Me: I heard you have a girlfriend! How’s that going?
Jamie (laughing hard): I don’t think I’ve ever seen him get quiet or shy!
Me: Oh, he can blush! He was always really shy around girls.
Jamie: He just dropped his head down, like chin to chest. He says, “It’s going fine.”
Me: Aw, good!
Jamie: The way he says it is like, “I’m not talking about it.”
Me: Okay, okay, I get it. Well, will you give her a hug for me?
Erik (grinning shyly): I will, I will. Let’s move on.
Me: Oh wait, one more thing. Robert says her name is Jennifer, Jen for short. Is that her real name?
Erik: No, it’s Jillian.
Me: Oh, Jillian! Okay, I just need to know so I can do a background check.
Me: Just teasing. I’ll stop torturing you now and move on. Um, can you get married over there?
Erik: Yes, but it really doesn’t, uh, it’s not like somebody does it for you and you get a piece of paper.
Me: Oh, okay.
Erik: You just decide to unite and stay together.
Me: Okay. Now, I know I’m kind of going all over the place here, but why are problems sometimes more difficult to deal with in the afterlife? In other words, I’m trying to help people reconsider suicide as an option. I remember you told me that issues are more difficult to deal with there, so—
Erik: Yeah, that’s true.
Me: Well, it seems like everything else is easier in the afterlife, so what the heck?
Erik: Mom, the pulls are different in both locations. Take the boy who jumped, Tyler Clementi. He should have stayed. He should have been an example of how to handle personal life with pride, not embarrassment or shame. There were many people that he was supposed to influence and change, but he ran into a wall; he couldn’t take it. He still influenced them by committing suicide, but he, uh, it’s not in the same way. It won’t have as powerful an effect.
Erik: So there are going to be people he didn’t cross paths with, that he didn’t leave his mark. And now he has to do that in spirit. That’s just a little bit harder to do when you’re pure energy compared to walking around in a body.
Me: Well, why?
Erik: C’mon, Mom, how many people listen to dead spirits?
Me: Aw, I listen to you, Baby!
Erik: That’s true, but take it general terms.
Me: I know. I’m just kidding.
Erik: In spirit, you don’t have the duality, the contrast, the adversity. These are important tools for growth. Tyler was supposed to be videotaped, but he was supposed to react differently. That was to be his destiny, but I guess he wasn’t ready for it.
The good news is that we always have the chance to try again. Ideally, it’s better to complete the tasks and the lessons we design for ourselves in each particular lifetime, but if we don’t, it’s okay. We’re not admonished, punished or chided. There is no bad; there is no wrong; there is no inferiority. There just is.